all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
