The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
ttyl tear gas
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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