I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
