Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
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