he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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