fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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