love makes seman taste better
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
