I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
