Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
