im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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