My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
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