Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
