i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
