like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
