I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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