Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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