We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
