im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
