We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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