Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
