I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Randomize
