yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
