Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
