Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(212): View more from New York

so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.

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(314): View more from Missouri

we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.

(1-314): View more from Missouri

i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.

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(484): View more from Pennsylvania

'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman

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(815): View more from Illinois

After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack

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