You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
