Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
