I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
