Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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