That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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