its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
