Who did Billy Mays play for?
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Randomize
