I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
