so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
