dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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