Are we in a gay sports bar?
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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