I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
