I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Randomize
