Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
