Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
