just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
