don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
