matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
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