I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Randomize
