His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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