Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
