don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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