just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Randomize
