It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
