I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
