she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
