god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
