whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
