I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Randomize
