Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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